Due to the cramped, claustrophobic conditions, Tito feels a married couple would handle it better than a pair of strangers. But here is how I think it would go:
Day 1.
Husband: This is amazing. I can see North and South America all at once.
Wife: I never realized just what a fragile jewel the Earth is. I am overcome.
Day 30.
Wife: Do we have any Twix left?
Husband: No.
Wife: You effing* ate the last Twix? There were, like, 20 left yesterday.
Husband: Who's counting?
Wife: Grrrrr.
Day 100.
Husband: Is that Earth? That little dot by the three white dots? I can't tell.
Wife: Who am I, Galileo?
Husband: I forgot my glasses.
Wife: Well, there's a shock.
Day 250.
Husband: Mars is huge. I never knew it was so big. Did you know it was so big?
Wife: You know what's big? My craving for a Twix right now.
Day 300.
Husband: Have you seen my iPad charger? I was on the last level of Pizzas vs. Skeletons.
Wife: You mean the iPad charger sticking out of your shirt pocket?
Husband: You don't have to be snarky.
Wife: The whole universe is out your window and you're playing games?
Husband: You see the Milky Way, you've seen the Milky Way.
Day 350.
Wife: Did you do today's experiment yet? With the salt crystals?
Husband: That was an experiment? I thought it was for the pasta.
Wife: You ate the experiment?
Husband: Did anyone ever tell you you're kind of negative?
Wife: You left me some pasta, though, right?
Husband:
Wife: Perfect.
Day 450.
Husband: Divorce should be a last step, not a first step.
Wife: Dare me to open that hatch. Dare me.
Day 500.
Husband: Ah, Earth. One more day. When we get home, I'm buying you a whole case of Twix.
Wife: Yeah, you are. So...how are we going to spin this?
Husband: It was a spectacular journey, not just of our solar system but of ourselves, yadda-yadda.
Wife: I almost killed you in your sleep.
Husband: I almost let you.
Wife: Look at how blue it all is. What a jewel.
Husband: Priceless.
*In space, no one can hear you curse.
. . .
